Plan, Please

I like having a plan, knowing the plan, and most of all, making the plan. There's a control freak in most of us; I euphemize it by calling myself an "orderly person." I remember my mom suppressing a guffaw when I told her, "Well, I just like to know all of the options all of the time..."

Which is why I'm so unnerved when I think about this summer. See, life in Kenya is somewhat unpredictable anyway, but at least I can usually count on the routine of school Monday-Friday. And as much as I whine about the cycle of grade-consider-assign-grade, it's kind of the bass line for my thoughts- lays down rhythm, gives me a structure to improvise above. Fourteen more school days, and the bass line gets muted.

Historically, I treasure my seasonal unemployment. I go to Young Life camp, drive and visit friends, ride bikes with Jill, take a few camping trips, meet people for lunch, go on hikes with my dog, make friends with summer students. Los Alamos swells with new possibilities in the summer as grad students wearing "I heart Physics" t-shirts start to populate the coffeeshops.

In contrast, my social circle is about to shrink. Some teachers are going on furlough for the summer. Other on-campus friends are just heading home for their yearly dose of plain M&Ms, legal copies of DVDs, and cheese from cows that _never_ eat trash. I'm jealous. Plus I'm missing 2 weddings of dear friends- I had even been scheming to see if I could get to Colorado and shock Tim and Christine by just showing up on May 30. Alas. It's the last day of school, and I've been away from my kids so much this year between mumps and civil unrest and Ben's wedding. I just couldn't justify it.

In fact, I think I'm supposed to stay here. I just wish I knew why. The "be a good missionary" tape in my head tells me this is a great opportunity for language study. I can't for the life of me seem to set anything up, though I've explored options from Nairobi to Dar es Salaam to Mombasa to Arusha. You would think, living in AFRICA, I could study Swahili pretty easily. You would be wrong. I think most of my frustration with an open-ended summer is rooted right there.

Now, I definitely need a break from my kids, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. And summer is good- I've always seen it as a chance for rest and for greater ministry availability. And that still applies here. I just wish I knew some more specifics. In the past, I could count on building relationships at Young Life Camp and following them through. I could predict that there would be college students who came to Crossroads who would be excited about a good meal and some conversation. But I don't have those expected outlets here. And deep down inside, I think there should be more purpose to my summer than simply watching all the seasons of Alias...

But I know the Narrator of this story. He never lets me stagnate. He fills my days with the right things at the right time. And for now, He's choosing to remind me that He's the one with the plan, and there's no public information act entitling me to see it. It reminds me of a hymn I learned in Awana, off of one of those nifty giant flip books that predate powerpoint slides and even overheads:

When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His word
What a glory He sheds on our way
While we do His good will
He abides with us still
And with all who will trust and obey

But we never can prove
The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay
For the favor He shows
And the joy He bestows
Are for them who will trust and obey

Then in fellowship sweet
We will sit at His feet
Or we'll walk by His side in the way
What He says we will do
Where He sends we will go
Never fear- only trust and obey