Tabasamu

So finally, after almost a year in Kenya, I had an experience much more like the HNGR internship I did in Thailand, the kind of ministry I've wanted to be in all along.

And of course, I was a nervous wreck beforehand.

But let me give you some context. Last semester, my small group was challenged to be more involved with social justice. There was a floundering ministry at our church that had some ideas about teaching sewing skills to women from local slums, or "villages" as they are called in this city. Our small group agreed to partner with this ministry, and it quickly became the focus of our interaction. In typical African style, there was lots of discussion in and between our small group, the leaders of the church, the leaders of the ministry, and the women currently involved. A new mission statement, set of bookkeeping practices, and of course a new name developed: Tabasamu. This word means "Smile" in Swahili, and it comes from Proverbs 31:25, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." The context talks about a woman who sews for income, who is wise, kind and honored. It sets our perspective for what this ministry should be about- developing tangible skills of tailoring as sustainable income, and also discipleship that enables these women to become leaders in their homes and communities. We want them to be able to smile at the future. (For those of you more familiar with Kenya, Amani ya Juu is helping us develop our program).

They meet 4 full days a week, so I couldn't be very involved during the school year. And of course I was hesitant to just jump in without being introduced, without having a reason for being there. But then my friend Kelly, who had been teaching a weekly Bible study for the group, had to go to Canada because of family health concerns. Two days before she left, she asked me to take over teaching.

Um, is that really a good idea? I don't know them. I don't have any relationship with them. I have no qualifications that they know of. And would I be reinforcing the impression that white people always know about the Bible, and they have the immediate right to be in charge? I love that my church is Kenyan led, that it truly is a mature national church. I've been hesitant to take any leadership roles, even when I've been asked to, because I have a lurking fear of "diluting" that ministry. I've been quick to invest in individual relationships, take classes, and even become an official member. I'm willing to commit to the church and be involved. I'm just not sure it's wise to have any up-front role. I've been so resistant to the idea that eventually one of the pastors told me, "Jessie, it's wrong for you to not use your gifts because of your skin color."

Oh.

So I told another small group member I'd go along when he delivered some supplies to Tabasamu. He introduced me to Winnie, the woman running the ministry day-to-day, and we 3 sat together and talked around and through a variety of issues, helping me learn a lot about Kenyan conflict/discussion management. But that's another topic. Anyhow, when she heard I didn't sew, she said, "Well, what can you do?" which rubbed me the wrong way (in American English, you add extra words to make things more polite, in Kenyan English you don't. Commands and directness aren't rude as long as your tone is sweet). I replied that I could teach. She asked if I knew about the Bible, and I said I did, so she said, "You will teach the Bible study on Mondays." (See, that command thing again). I ignored my ornery nature that rebels at being told what to do, and I agreed to come the next week.

And as I said a few paragraphs ago, I was nervous wreck beforehand. Many journal pages were spent on anxiety- will I do poorly and represent Christ's name badly? I'm concerned about misstepping culturally, not giving them what they need, creating dependence, being the big white savior, assuming too much, being taken in, just being too unwise and immature and ill-equipped. I don't speak Swahili. I've never taught an adult Bible study. I don't have relationships with these women.

And then my mother's clear words cut through: It's a good thing it isn't about you, isn't it? Oops. Right. God puts His body together as He sees fit, and He's put me here at this time, in connection with these people, and I've got to trust that it's a good plan. It's right for me to be sensitive and careful, but it's wrong for that to cripple me into inaction.

And God did bless the time. It was a good first day. The Bible study section went better than I expected, and I had the chance to start spending time with these women as we prayed together and later prepared a meal. And it was the kind of interaction that I feel very comfortable with, just doing the normal tasks of life together. We sorted the rice (pulled out the gravel), they taught me more Swahili phrases and giggled at my pronunciation, and I learned a lot about cooking in a sufaria over a fire. How come I've never thought of leaves as potholders or ash as dish scrubber? I'm so clueless. Anyhow, God blessed me with a pretty comfortable first day. I know things are bound to be complicated and frustrating at times, but I'm happy to be involved and interacting. As our relationships progress, I'll take and post some pictures of them and what they're up to. But for now, it was right for me to just be there. I'm willing to learn and willing to teach.